Everybody Loves A Good Election

Bowing to public sentiment, the Union Government has agreed to include a new column in the Unique Identification (UID) forms to broaden the choice on religious preference. The citizens can now declare “poll worship” as their religion and mark the relevant option in the form.

This will be in addition to the existing options under religion category. The decision to incorporate the new option was taken based on the findings of a nationwide survey that showed that a significant number of people, cutting across social profiles, worship elections with traditional fervor and gaiety.

The polls, the survey concluded, act as a glue to bind people and give them a sense of identity and purpose in the same way as religious practices do. The extensive survey, conducted by AC Nielsen ORG-MARG and commissioned by Union Home Ministry, looked at the underlying social factors that pump boundless energy into people to talk animatedly about elections.

“Elections are a national pastime in this country. They provide an escape route for the suffering masses who wish to see a bit of themselves in the winning candidates,” said a noted sociologist Prof Praful Das. Asked how escapism can be equated with religion, he explained that the two phenomena are indistinguishable when the “totality of experience” is taken into consideration.

Covering a sample size of over 65,000 people from a cross-section of the society, spread over 500 Parliamentary constituencies, the survey found that a sense of collective anticipation that grips masses during the election process, starting from announcement of schedule to declaration of results, is comparable to religious reverence and worship.

Among the social groups, journalists, talk show hosts, telegenic political analysts, psephologists, bored housewives, morning walkers and government employees were found to be ardent devotees of the new religion. These sections have admitted that their biggest fantasy was dreaming about snap polls and the resultant sense of well-being. 

The inclusion of “poll worship” among religious options in “Aadhar cards” has been welcomed by atheists and members of “Rebels-For-All-Seasons” cult. “This is cool, dude. I have always felt uncomfortable when asked to declare my religion. Since I love elections, this is the right choice,” said Rahul Verma, a JNU student leader. The communists, the leading players in the rebel market, have also welcomed the move while BJP and its ideological mentors said it would hurt religious sentiments and encourage deviant behaviour.

“I would call this carnivalization of democracy. Looking for solace in an unrelated activity may be dubbed as a psychological disorder by medical experts. But, when it reaches a critical mass in a society that is full of miseries and deprivation, it ceases to be a problem. In fact, it becomes a source of collective celebration,” said a well-known psephologist and leader of the survey team Muneendra Yadav.

“Who is winning here?” was rated as the most frequently asked question during interactions between strangers and social gatherings, the survey pointed out. It was also found to be the most favoured opening line for columnists and editors in their conversations with taxi drivers and tea-shop owners during their country-side assignments.

The survey teams could not gather data in the Dandakaranya region following threats from “Gandhians with Guns.” “By including poll worshipping category in Aadhar cards, the Indian State is trying to prove to the world that its people have faith in Parliamentary democracy. It is a conspiracy by Chidambaram and the agents of American imperialists to undermine revolutionary struggle of the oppressed masses,” said a statement issued by Maoist leader Ki”Shun”ji who changed his earlier name because of its overtly religious connotation.