Indian Onion bags highest bid at IPL auction

The fourth season of IPL players’ auction has concluded on a tearful note with Indian Onion bagging highest bid for an undisclosed amount.

As 353 cricketers across the globe lined up to go under hammer, it was the swashbuckling all-rounder, Onion, which emerged as clear winner, commanding highest price. The imported Pakistani variety was not allowed to participate in the auction on security grounds.

“The outcome of the auction shows that Onion is the costliest player in Indian kitchen,” said sports analyst Varsha Bhosle.  It also signaled arrival of India at the global high table.

It is first time in the history of IPL tournament that the highest bid went to non-human category. However, sports commentators pored over the past records and pointed out that the only instance which came very close to this was when Andrew Symonds was picked up by one of the IPL franchises. It may be recalled that Symonds was famously described as ‘monkey’ by ‘turbanator’ Harbhajan Singh. It was later clarified by ICC referee, who happened to be an Australian, that Symonds could not be technically clubbed under non-human category.

After a nail-biting bidding war involving top Bollywood stars and corporate bigwigs, Onion was bought by Kolkata Knight Riders (KKR) which also picked up Gautam Gambhir for a paltry sum of Rs 11 crore. The amount for which Onion went under the hammer was not disclosed by the organizers, saying it was ‘priceless’. The owner of KKR, Shah Rukh Khan, is said to be proud of his prized possession as it also helps him to do away with dependence on glycerin.   

The high-profile auction, spread over two days, saw some of the big names in international cricket falling by the way side as Onion made its way to the top. Expectedly, it brought tears to the cricketers who went unsold.  The long list of sulking players included former captain Sourav Ganguly. Dada’s fans went berserk on Kolkata streets, staging protest rallies.

“If Shah Rukh Khan was so desperate to buy something that facilitates tears, he could as well bid for Dada. Why Onion, of all things?” wondered a Ganguly fan.

Fuming at their non-inclusion in the bidding process, Pakistan Cricket Board alleged that it was a conspiracy by International Cricket Council (ICC) President Sharad Pawar who also happens to be Indian Agriculture Minister facing flak over rising food prices.

“We helped India tide over crisis by exporting Onions. Is this the way to reciprocate our friendly gesture?” a spokesman of PCB said.

Back home, the auction process evoked strong reactions from opposition parties. The BJP, which once had a bitter experience of being voted out of power in several states due to abnormal rise in onion price, said the development reflected total failure of the UPA government to check soaring prices of essential commodities.

“For a party which talks about its commitment to aam aadmi, it is a matter of shame that an essential ingredient of common man’s diet should have made its way to auctioneer’s table,” a national spokesman of BJP said.

Condemning corporatization of sports, the left parties advocated state-controlled IPL tournament and representation to trade unionists in the governing body.